


come home to my heart

by bbwrites



Category: Lord of the Flies - William Golding
Genre: Character Study, Mental Health Issues, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Purple Prose, Run-On Sentences, World War II, honestly this is just me being emo about lotf, im sorry about my writing style, plus a shout out to my mother gillian flynn, post island
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-03
Updated: 2019-02-13
Packaged: 2019-06-21 01:18:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15546426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bbwrites/pseuds/bbwrites
Summary: All he sees is the Beast. He's used to that.//He looks at the statue of Jesus on the cross at the front of the church. He sees Simon. In some ways, he expected that.





	1. come home to my heart

**Author's Note:**

> this relies on my personal headcanons ! i doubt this makes sense to anyone else but me. honestly this barely makes sense like i literally shout out gillian flynn like what the fuck. anyways.  
> fyi- i went fuck it and just flat out said these fuckers got stranded in the earlyish years of ww2 instead of just ~implying~ it  
> also i was listening to lorde while writing this and i needed a title so the title kinda means nothing in relation to this piece but its some of my favourite lyrics off melodrama so here we are i guess 
> 
> uhh hc timeline?  
> ralph is 15 in 1940, 16 in '41, 18 in '43

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All he sees is the Beast. He's used to that

The war his parents desperately tried to shelter him from in '40 (it's funny- he was sent straight into another war. this one, to him, to all the boys, is worse than the one that engulfed the whole world could ever be) still rages on when he comes back in '41- a year older physically, 100 years older mentally. The moment he turns eighteen he enlists because he doesn't feel right as a civilian, he hasn't felt like a civilian ever since he stepped on the rescue boat- he still thinks of himself as a boy on an island where civilisation was murdered with pointed sticks and a boulder and _oh God_ , Simon and Piggy, they're dead and he saw Simon's mother and Piggy's aunt when they got back to England, saw their faces when they realised their boys weren't coming home.

He joins the airforce, mostly because it keeps him off the ground far from the world he is no longer acclimated to. Ralph's a damn good pilot and he has only ever faltered over the sea- there's a reason he didn't follow in his father's footsteps and join the navy like he used to say he would. Ralph finds himself afraid of the ocean, that it will take him back to the island for Jack and Roger and the rest of the hunters to finish him off. 

Sometimes he wonders what the island looks like. He hopes that it's burned to a crisp, that it's sunk beneath the waves, but he knows that isn't true: the vegetation has grown back, the island has forgotten the atrocities that took place there not too long ago. Life has started over for its inhabitants, Ralph thinks, envious, as he wished he too could start over and forget everything that happened.

After the war he finds a girl because that's what all soldiers who are properly adjusted to civilian life do. Most nights he and this girl he might love (he isn't sure about that yet. he hasn't been sure about anything since the island) sit on the floor of his flat because he can't bear to go dancing- the heat, the noises, the people all bring him back to the island. Instead they sit on the floor of his flat and she traces her hands up the scars on his arm and he stares at her, wondering if, in some small way, she understands. 

He proposes to the girl he might love because she loves him for what he is and because he smiles easily around her. She smiles up at him and he sees the Beast. He's used to that. 

He gets married and has a son because that's what normal people who don't see Beasts in their wife's faces do. He names his son Simon, as a small memorial. He thinks about naming his son after Piggy until he realises he never learned Piggy's real name; that fact keeps him up at night, he could have, that first day on the island, asked what his real name was was, listened to the poor boy when he said he didn't want to be called Piggy, everything would be different and maybe he would be alive. Maybe his brains wouldn't have spilled all over castle rock, maybe he would have gone home, _maybe maybe maybe_ _maybe_. 

Ralph hasn't slept well ever since the island. He hasn't done anything well since that goddamn island.

Someday, in the future, the words " _a child weaned on poison considers harm a comfort_ " will be written. Ralph, after the island, after everything, would understand.


	2. dwa serduszka

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Have you ever been to the continent?"  
> "To bomb it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: writes two throw away lines about ralph getting married  
> me: okay time to come up with a background story for his wife, her family, and their relationship and then post it months after the original work
> 
> also! this is not edited and is kind of all over the place. i might come back and edit it later but don't hold me to that. 
> 
> enjoy!

He meets her in 1944, she's his server at some little restaurant tucked away on the coast, by his home with the ivy and the ponies. She trips over her words, voice high, lilting, unsure. An accent stands out- "German?" he asks.

It's only a little accusatory. 

"Polish. How would you like your eggs?"

Her face is sharp- all angles and set in steel. He sees the island in her, he does not mind.

 

"Have you ever been to the continent?"

She lights a cigarette, he places his hand over hers.

"To bomb it," she gives him a half smile.

 

She left Poland in 1942, with Hitler closing in from one side and Stalin from the other- her family figures that there is only one way to survive: out. Her father ran a dress shop- couture or something like that- and her mother wrote songs for movies. They lived in a beautiful house in a beautiful city on a beautiful street. They left that all in Poland- her father works as a low paid tailor and her mother keeps the books. They live in a cramped apartment on a bombed out street. They speak with a refined glamour that would make his mother jealous, their apartment looks like a perfect candidate for his mother's tea group's next charity cause. 

Ralph wants to pick her brain apart, understand every nook and cranny of her mind. 

 

"I trained to sing in the opera, in Poland."

"You must have the best voice anyone has ever heard," he smiles at her, makes it as bright as he can, "Magda, would you ever sing again?"

Her face shifts, her eyes kilometers away, back in Warsaw, back on the stage she had trained on her whole life- "No. I..." she pauses, choosing her words carefully,"I closed that door a lifetime ago."

 

Ralph gets married in 1946, the sun shines brightly through cathedral windows. (His mother threw a fit when he brought a Catholic home, she hung up when he called to say he was getting married to her. His father is too shell shocked to care.) The service is in Latin- he follows along numbly, nothing registers. He kneels in prayer, stands by while only one side of the church receives receive communion.

He's 21, but he feels 50, maybe even 100. 

She trips over her vows, English still unfamiliar after four years. This is the only part of the wedding in English, his mother refused to allow any Polish- "This is _England_ , darling, her family will understand."

He looks around, sees his mother crying, his father stares into space. Her family mirrors his. She squeezes his hand, brings him back to her. He smiles at her, feels softer than he has in years. He kisses her chastely on the mouth, smiles into it.

Afterwards, during the throng of congratulations, he looks at the statue of Jesus on the cross at the front of the church. He sees Simon. In some ways, he expected that. He looks away. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> find me on tumblr @natashailyinichna
> 
> this series is probably done but don't be surprised if i post another chapter out of the blue in six months. also, i named this chapter after the song in cold war. oy yoy yoy warriors let's make some noise!

**Author's Note:**

> holy run ons lmfao also what is consistent tense lol


End file.
